Please help this woman!

http://townselfuneralfund.chipin.com/townsel-funeral-fund

IHOP

A very important meeting is taking place this morning at IHOP.

Keith is meeting his daughter, Nicole, for the first time in almost 11 years.

It would take hours to type out the whole back-story, so I'll try to summarize.

Keith was in a relationship with a woman who became pregnant (surprise!). Their relationship was already pretty much over, but they tried to make it work for the baby. It did not.

When Nicole was born, Keith saw her as much as was allowed by her mom. Soon, things became tense.

This woman also happens to be a police officer, so let's just say she likes to be in charge and has a tough time admitting she could ever make a mistake. The 2 of them had an argument, after which things got very ugly and she made it next to impossible for Keith to see Nicole.

At some point, Keith realized that his custody of Kyle could be put in jeopardy and he had to make a choice. Unfortunately this meant not seeing Nicole.

Fast forward to when Keith and I met 9 years ago. I knew about Nicole on our first date. I have watched him struggle with the pain of his choices for the past 9 years.

There are many sad things about this story: that Nicole has not had a chance to have a father, that Keith has not known his daughter, and that both Kyle and Kaleb are being deprived of a sister. The ironic thing is that even people who don't much care for Keith are amazed at what an awesome dad he is. Truly, it is one of the things that made me fall in love with him. The proof of his ability as a parent is visible in his relationship with Kyle.

About 3 years ago, Keith reached out to this woman again and she basically made it clear that she would stop at nothing to keep him from Nicole.

About a month ago, Keith got a friend request on Facebook from this woman's brother. He said that Nicole is at the age (almost 12) where she is starting to ask questions and had expressed an interest in meeting Keith (again).

So...and let me pause to thank you if you are still reading...Keith and I visited an attorney to find out what our options are and what to expect. We left the meeting hoping that it would be possible to avoid the court system. Keith reached out to the brother for help.

A few days later, Nicole's mom called Keith. I think she is getting a lot of pressure from her family, who disagree with some of her choices, and also I think Nicole is asking more questions than she wants to answer. She is finally ready to let go of some of her control and let Nicole and Keith have a relationship.

So....this morning the 3 of them are meeting for breakfast at Nicole's favorite spot. Her mom didn't tell her about it, so I bet it will be a very emotional reunion. I know Keith was up very early!

I think what keeps going through my mind is that God is working in Keith's life. Keith has worked tirelessly to live as Jesus wants us too...in love for everyone, not just our friends. He has put aside his anger and truly forgiven. I am in awe of his ability to love and to let go. He is reaping what he has sown. He is truly deserving of a happy ending.

I am also in awe of God's plans. He blessed me with one baby that I had the joy of carrying and giving birth to. He blessed me with another son who I did not carry, but have been allowed to mother for the past 7 years of our marriage. Now, he is giving me the challenge of a 12 year-old girls in the throes of puberty. I hope that we will develop a loving relationship also.

I am on pins and needles for Keith to get home! God is good!

"All by myself!"

These are Kaleb's favorite words these days. I try to help him get dressed..."no Mommy, I can do it ALL BY MYSELF."

I try to brush his teeth..."no Mommy, I can do it ALL BY MYSELF."

I try to put him in his car seat..."no Mommy, I can do it ALL BY MYSELF."

Get the picture?

I should be happy that he is trying to become more independent. That's the goal, right? I mean, I guess I can't do it all for him forever.

...but, I'm just not ready to let him go that much yet.

The only comfort I have is that when he is tired, he still yells "Mommy, Mommy! I need you!"

...sigh

I am blessed...

...beyond compare. It is 9:30 at night, and the sounds of my family sleeping are all around me. Keith is snoring, the dogs are breathing deep, Corkie is here sleeping in front of my computer, and Kaleb just fell peacefully asleep in his own bed!

I can remember a time when I was dating and it seemed like every guy I went out with turned out to be a complete jerk! I really thought I would never marry, and would grow old with my cats. I was totally OK with that plan.

Today I am married to my best friend. He is always supportive of me no matter what, he always has my back, and he is thoughtful to a fault. I was totally spoiled for Mother's Day weekend....and not with expensive gifts, just several things that showed he put real thought into it.

We thought we would never have kids of our own. I figured I would just be an awesome step mom to Kyle as he grew up. And I am. He is as much my son as if I had given birth to him myself.

Our dogs are the best! Of course, we ended up with 2 because of the whole never-gonna-have-kids-of-our-own deal. And despite the added energy they bring to the house, they really do make our house a home. I hope they are as happy with us as we are with them.

Of course, I can't forget Corkie...I've had her since I was 21. I got her when I still lived in Connecticut. She has seen a lot of changes in our lives over the years, and she remains snuggled up in the crook of my arm every night.

Last but not least - Kaleb. My sweet, precious, amazing gift from God. I tell him every day how lucky I am that God chose me to be his mommy here on earth. He has taught me so many lessons on love, patience, joy, worry, and hope. I just can't say enough how much I love him. It also really helps that he finally sleeps through the night, most of the time in his own room!

We don't live in a huge house. We don't have wads of cash in our pockets. We don't always have enough for the "extras" that we'd like to buy.

Who cares? We have a home full of love and laughter. We are blessed.

Not their World Vision?

I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to blog. I have many posts-in-progress, like my review of Kate Gosselin's visit to our church (so much more interesting now that Jon is supposedly having an affair), Kaleb turned 3 this past Sunday (!), and he is (finally) potty-trained!

For now, I have time to vent my frustration about this:

Kaleb's birthday party isn't until the end of the month. Even though his actual birthday was Sunday, we are waiting until Kyle gets home from school to have the party.

So: if you have little ones, then you know they tend to accumulate a lot of junk. I'm talking about those toys that they never play with, and end up taking up too much space.

Kaleb has grandparents and step-grandparents who spoil him crazy, so once they are done giving him presents he has plenty. I decided for his party to ask that in lieu of gifts, people donate to our World Vision sponsor child. His name is Fredrick. He lives in Kenya and his 16th birthday is also this month. I thought it was a great idea. After all, if someone is willing to spend $20 on a present that Kaleb will never play with, surely they are willing to donate that money to someone who truly needs it. Right?

Wrong. I actually received a phone call from someone who was complaining that Kaleb knows it's his birthday and he know people get presents and yada yada. She basically made me out to be a really mean mom who was depriving my son.

I'm a little frustrated. I was just trying to do something nice for someone who has so little. Kaleb has so much; it doesn't seem like a big deal to let someone else "take" some of his loot.

Why?

Why do I sometimes know the right thing to do and I do the opposite? Why is it sometimes so clear what God wants for me and how he wants me to live and I don't do it? Why do I fight the obvious? Why do I not accept the way I was designed? Do I really think I am so powerful that I can change it or make it not so?

Good Friday

Today Jesus died for our sins. For everybody's sins - past, present and future. This amazes me to no end. I am certainly not worthy of this sacrifice. I have committed just about every sin there is. I would not give up my son's life for someone like me.

But God did. He thinks I am worth it. He loves me that much.

There are no words to describe that kind of love.

Jesus died for you, too. He loves you that much.

For Husbands, Take 4

Dear Loving Husbands,

I have been thinking that you may need some advice on how to occasionally get away with doing something very, very dumb. It is hard to be perfect, and I am aware that sometimes you may take a mis-step. And...you will need to know how to break it to your oh-so-loving wife in a way that keeps you out of the dog house.

Here is a hypothetical situation that you may put yourself in, and some advice on how to get out of it.

*****DISCLAIMER - All of the persons, places, and events in this are completely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, places or events is coincidental. *******

Let's say a guy named 'Heath' and his friend 'Pat' have a guys night out. They are actually going to be in another city, staying at a hotel.

So...Heath and Pat decide to go bar-hopping...no foul. Totally normal and expected.

Now...pay attention...if Heath and Pat somehow end up at a strip club, they are going to have to follow these simple instructions to keep themselves alive and well.

STEP 1: You must have a legitimate reason for going to a strip club. I think it is understood that, of course, seeing half-naked women is not a good enough reason. Also, that whole thing where guys act like they don't even notice the boobs is ridiculous.

An example of a legitimate reason would be: If Heath and Pat met a group of people visiting from out-of-state and discovered that one of these 50-something year-old men had NEVER been to a strip club in his life. I mean, how awful, right?! So it would only be good manners for Heath and Pat to take this man to his first strip club. Hence....legitimate reason!

STEP 2: Leave your cell phone at the hotel. This way, when your wife tries to call you to see if you are having fun with your buddy, she will not have to listen to stripper noise. You know...loud music, giggling women, drunk men. It is much better to leave her guessing. She will be so worried about you that a strip club will be a relief.

STEP 3: Make sure you get really, really drunk. So drunk that maybe you get sick. Maybe. Your wife will have no choice but to feel a little bit sorry for you.

STEP 4: It's all in the delivery boys! Naturally, you aren't going to call ahead of time and ask if it's OK to go to a strip club. That would just be silly. So...the admission of such a visit must be done with tact.

Do not act as if you are confessing something. This will only make your wife paranoid that you actually had fun at the club. So, get rid of the serious face.

It is much better if you do something like this: When you and your wife are enjoying a nice, family moment (like playing ball with your son), start laughing oh-so-softly to yourself....as if you are recalling a funny joke you heard. Of course, your wife will ask what is so funny. Then, just as if it is no big deal at all, say (very quickly)..."ohIwasjustthinkinghowfunnyitwasthat actually...ohyoujustwon'tbelieve...Ican'tlietoyou....youaregonnalaugh...meandPatwenttoastrip clublastnight."

There. Done. You have just made her believe that it actually wasn't a big deal at all. You were just helping your fellow man. You weren't there for yourself. It wasn't even fun. You didn't talk to the "girls" at all.

LASTLY: Give your wife and hug and a kiss before she can respond and say, "I knew you would understand. I love you."

Back in the Solution

A long time ago, a friend challenged a group of us to do a good deed every day and not tell anybody about it. Just to keep it between me and God. It is actually really hard to do (at least for me).

So, I tried to do it. It didn't have to be a colossal deed, just something to help another person. Once in a while the opportunity to do a really good one popped up.

I realized I haven't done it in a while. I mean, I've done some good deeds but I always end up telling someone (usually Keith).

Last night I decided to get back to it. I need to get back into gratitude for all of the amazing things in my life. And there are so many.

The opportunity presented itself clear as day, and I jumped at it.

And I felt better. Grateful. Loving.

Now, the trick is to stay this way.

Running on Empty

I feel like I am running on an empty tank. Out of patience, out
of tolerance, out of humor, out of energy....just empty.

I am quick to anger, slow to kindness. I scream at Kaleb for the smallest infraction, I feel like kicking the cat every time she starts meowing in my face, and Keith is getting a lot of short answers and rolling eyes.

I feel like every one needs something from me, like I am constantly being pulled in a dozen directions.

I am expected to keep the house clean, cook yummy dinners, do the books for the company, and be a full-time mommy to a young boy who is completely incapable of entertaining himself. I can't leave him alone without coming back to discover a total mess.

>>>>>>sigh<<<<<<

I am grateful for these problems, though. I remember when I had nobody to be responsible to/for. I remember how quiet our house was before Kaleb. I remember the meow's of my cat, Rusty, and I wish I could hear them again. I remember when I thought I would never meet anybody to settle down with, or roll my eyes at.

These are simple problems. Easy to fix. I need to pray. And meditate. And continue to remind myself of the many blessings in my life.

Or maybe if I could just clone myself??? hmmmm....