This is what I call a tragedy.

This is heartbreaking. An 11 year-old girl died here in Huntington Beach yesterday during a junior guards class. I have not been able to stop thinking about it since it happened.

Here in HB, junior guards is kind of a rite of passage...talk to anyone who grew up here and they probably did it, and now their kids are probably doing it. We always talk about Kaleb doing it when he is 9 (that's when they start it). The program is nationally renowned and has been in existence since the mid-1960's with no major incidents. Until yesterday, when a sweet girl named Allyssa fell behind from the group during a swim by the pier and was run over by the lifeguard boat. She died.

There are so many parts of this that I have a tough time getting my head around.

First, I keep thinking about her mom dropping her off in the morning, having no idea that she would never see her alive again. Did they kiss goodbye? Say "I love you?" You see, Kaleb started camp at our church this week. I have been soooo excited for 2 reasons - 1) that he will have such a blast playing with other kids his age and creating things and learning about God from our awesome children's pastors, and 2) that I will have two and a half hours of time to myself each morning! I love it! I can shower, do errands, clean house...all the stuff that I have a tough time doing when Kaleb is following me around. So I just take it for granted when I drop him off that I will see him in a few hours. Now, of course I know that chances are he will be just fine, but you never know. That's what I have a hard time with. We have to let our kids grow and become independent. It's important to let them experience so many things. It wouldn't be right to keep them by our side 24/7. And yet, in doing so we also have to accept some things are out of our control. Accidents happen. We often don't get advance notice that someone is going to die or be injured. I will try to make sure he always knows how much he is loved....cherished...treasured.

Second, I just keep praying for the poor man who was driving the boat. I am sure he must be devastated. He was a veteran on the lifeguard force, highly decorated and respected. I can only guess that he loved working with the kids. I sincerely hope he can forgive himself for what so-far seems to be a tragic accident. I hope he knows how many people feel the same way.

Third, I pray for all of the other kids in the junior guard program. Summer should be a happy time when you're a child. How do you help an 11 year-old to understand and recover form losing a friend?

Last.....I wonder....at what age is it no longer a given that you will go to heaven? Is there a magic number when you need to make the decision to accept Jesus as the leader of your life? I hope Allyssa is in heaven feeling nothing but pure joy and happiness and love. And I hope that her family is comforted by that, and that they too will feel that joy and happiness again. Someday.

Our children are a gift and a blessing. Love them. Treasure them. Thank God for each day that they are in our lives.

For Husbands, Take 5

Dear Loving Husbands,

Never, ever, ever start a conversation like this, "are you OTR or something?"

Bad idea, very bad idea....

Maybe we Oversold Jesus?

This is a video of Kaleb practicing what he has been learning at swimming lessons. He loves the water. He is doing so well at his lessons. He can swim about halfway across the pool without help. The only problem is that he suddenly thinks that he knows how to swim all by himself. This terrifies me to no end. I literally have palpitations when I think about him going in the water without me.

In Orange County, drowning is the number one cause of death for kids his age. I personally know someone whose 3 year-old son drowned, and also someone whose 2 year-old grandson drowned. I am a nut about water safety.

At Kaleb's first birthday party, one of Keith's cousins let her 2 boys go swimming. She didn't even bother to sit by the pool to supervise them. Her youngest son looked like he was drowning, and one of our guests actually started running to jump in the pool and save him. I told her the boys had to get of the pool....several people thought I was totally over-reacting. I could care less. I am not about to have someone drown in my pool.

So...back to my story. We were in the backyard this weekend. Keith was in the jacuzzi with Kaleb. Kaleb decided to sit on the big step we have in the pool. All of a sudden, he decided he needed to get our dog's ball from the middle of the pool. He stood up, put his arms straight up (just like he learned at lessons), and dove in the water. He started swimming to the ball as Keith was quickly jumping in the pool to get him. Kaleb was completely unfazed by it.

Later when we were talking to him again about never ever going in the water without us, he said this:

"But Mommy, I was going to see Jesus! It's so great! I'll go see Jesus and fly around heaven with him, then come back home!" What the heck do we say to that?

Sounds from the Fiscus Boys

The sweetest sound:

At 4:00 am, Kaleb woke up and was crying, "I....want....my....mommy. I...want...my...mommy."

And although I was exhausted, my heart melted.


On the other end of the spectrum:

While sitting at a red light, Keith looked at my legs and said, "oh my gosh! What the heck is that?!" (he was pointing to a patch of spider veins.

Melting heart? notsomuch

Is This Seat Taken?

Keith and I had a much-needed date this weekend. We started off at dinner and then went to see "The Hangover."

We got to the movie about 20 minutes early. Seats were filling up fast. People were still streaming in, walking up and down the stairs looking for groups of 3 and 4seats to no avail.

There was a couple in front of us with one empty seat on either side of them. A very polite man walked up and asked, "Is that seat taken?"

"No," said the balding overweight man with his hand wrist-deep in overly-buttered popcorn.

"Is that seat taken?" the man asked, pointing to the seat on the other side.

"No."

"Great! Would you mind terribly moving over one seat so my wife and I can sit together?"

"We aren't moving."

!!!!!!

WHAT!? ARE YOU FREEKING KIDDING ME????

The a-hole wouldn't move!

I have no idea why this upset me so much except that I can't remember a time when I have seen someone be so blatantly, in-your-face mean. What's the big deal? Would it really kill you to just move your fat ass over?! (See, there I go getting upset)

Of course, at dinner I had 2 glasses of wine so my filter wasn't at 100%. I sat there and started talking (rather loudly) about what a total jerk I thought the guy was.

Keith, who drank Sprite at dinner, found my rant to be a bit rude itself. He let me know it in a few sharply-toned words.

Date over. We sat and watched the funniest movie without saying a word.

I still say the guy was a d***.

Terrible Three's ????

I don't know what the heck has happened since Kaleb turned 3, but life seems so much harder lately!

He used to be able to play independently while I got stuff done around the house. Now...he needs someone with him CONSTANTLY! And that someone usually means me!

Our house is a total disaster. I am embarrassed even when the babysitter comes over. With 2 dogs, 1 cat, a teenager and a little boy, our house is a pile of pet hair and dirt!

I just feel like I don't/can't accomplish anything. I almost feel like a prisoner to Kaleb's wants/needs for attention/companionship.

PLEASE tell me this will pass. I am starting to countdown the days until preschool starts. I am relieved that I signed him up for 3 days a week instead of 2! I feel guilty for even admitting that. I love him more than words can even express, and yet I feel like I am constantly looking forward to the next break from him.


Hmmppph!

Updates....

It seems life has been far too crazy lately for me to catch up on blogging. I know I had a few really funny posts in mind,too, but they are long forgotten. Next time I should jot it down.

My Trip to the ER: This Tuesday night I spent about 5 hours in the ER. I started having severe stomach pain Sunday night. I was literally laying in the fetal position on the bathroom floor. The pain finally went away but came back with a vengeance on Tuesday. Keith was concerned it could be gallstones, so he took me to the hospital. I must say...morphine is awesome!

Anyway, imagine how totally stupid I felt when they told me that nothing showed up on the ultrasound. They said I most likely have an ulcer and should follow up with a gastroenterologist. Keith is taking great delight in telling me I am probably the only stay-at-home mom with a stress-induced ulcer.

IHOP: So, Keith's meeting with Nicole went very well. So well, in fact that she came home with him that day and has been at our house every weekend since then. We have built a new office for me in the garage and turned the old office into a bedroom for Nicole.

She is a very sweet girl and is really happy to finally be with her dad. Keith no longer has a hole in his heart. He has prayed for years and forgiven people who need to be forgiven. God heard him and has blessed him accordingly. Kaleb loves her and is excited to have a playmate when she is here.

I am having a little bit of a hard time adjusting to our new family identity. I realized I have no idea how to be a step mom. With Kyle, he really needed a mom in his life. We bonded right away. Today, when he hurts I hurt. When he is happy I am happy. I would take a bullet for him. There is no difference in my eyes between Kyle and Kaleb.

But...Nicole has a mom. She needs a dad. I'm just an extra person. We get along just fine, but it's all very surface. I know that relationships take time. I need to have patience. I need to realize that it's not about me. It's about a lot of lost time between Nicole and Keith and letting them have all the time they need to get to know each other. In time I hope she will see me as a friend. In the meantime, it is awesome just to watch her and Keith.

I have more, but this is all I have time for tonight!

To Goodie Bag or Not?

I would like to meet the person who decided that you need to give goodie bags to all of your guests at your kid's birthday party so that I can smack him/her upside the head.

What the heck, people??!!

Is it not enough that I am having you over to my house, where I will feed and entertain you? Now I need to fill an overpriced bag with a bunch of stuff you are going to throw away?

I think it's ridiculous! I know I'm not alone on this one.

Kaleb's party is this weekend (his birthday was May 3, but we wanted to wait until Kyle was home), and Keith asked me about goodie bags. Of course, I told him how I feel about them. This is what I heard back:

"Well, babe it's not really about you, is it? It's about the kids and how excited they will be to get a bag of goodies."

Whatever.

So now I'm off to the 99-cent store to waste a bunch of money on a bunch of crap that will just get thrown away.

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast

I tried out for Survivor this week.

We have watched the show religiously since the beginning, and I always say "I could totally do that."

So when I saw that they were having an open call for next season, I decided to go for it..

I left my house at 4 am and drove down to Pala Casino. .

At 5:45 there were already a couple hundred people there. I say people, but I mean kooks. They were nuts! All dressed up and acting a fool to get on camera. .

I made my first alliance at 7 am! I was sitting in the second section of seats, and they started passing out wristbands for people. The color wristband you got determined what time you had to be back for your try-out. After the first section of seats got theirs, they told us to move forward. Well, of course the people in the back rows tried to push their way to the front. I held my arms out to keep them at bay. There was a huge Samoan guy (well, it turns out he's Mexican, but always getting confused for a Samoan) next to me who was doing the same thing. I stood right up behind him and rode his path all the way to a seat in the front row! His name is Oscar; we're buddies. Maybe I'll take him to the final two with me!.

I had to be back at 10:30. We had one minute to tell the camera why we should be on Survivor. As I was waiting for my turn, I was chatting with the guy in front of me. He said, "Have you ever actually been outside before, apart from the beach?" .

! The horror! I tried to act offended, but it was hilarious!.

That was all the motivation I needed. I rocked my minute...I even made the camera girl laugh. I don't know if I'll make it to the next level or not, but I had so much fun! I am proud of myself for going. How many times have I said "I wish I could...", or "I bet I'd be good at..." , and then done nothing? This time I can say I tried..

Johnny Fairplay has nothing on me.....watch out, Survivor!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

The cable guy was here this morning.

Kaleb was throwing a paper airplane around. He threw it at the cable guy.

Me: "Kaleb, don't throw airplanes at people."

Kaleb: "He's not people, Mommy. He's a worker."

Future CEO?