They say....

"Save the drama fo yo mama."

But waddya do when yo mama IS the drama?

hmmmm

A Beautiful Mind

We were up in the mountains over New Year's with friends.

Kaleb was sitting on the couch with his friend, Evie, looking at a book of optical illusions.

I heard him say, "that's a hexagon" as he pointed to a picture.

And it was a hexagon.

And I never taught him that.

And I'm still a little bit freaked out by it.

Badonkadonk

It's Christmas. Presents are open. I am happy...mainly because it's just me and my boyz. No big family get-together (until later). Just us, in our jammies, playing with toys and laughing and loving. Being a family.

It's a Hallmark moment.

I take a shower.

After, as I am drying off Kaleb comes in and shrieks "aaahhh, look at Mommy's butt!"

Precious angel.

Daddy says, "hey watch this", and proceeds to first spank my butt and then say "Boing! Boing! Watch it jiggle! It's just like jello!"

Precious. Something.

It's moments like this I cherish.

Stay Married

Please...stay married.

I am saying this as an adult child of divorce...it sounds like some self-help group.

All I know is I am almost 40 and it seems like the (multiple) divorces in my family affect me now more than ever.

And I'm sick of it.

And I'm pissed.

And so, if you are married, I am begging you to do what you can to keep it that way.

The thing is, the 2 people who get divorced aren't really the ones who have to deal with the fallout. Sure, when it initially happens, there are questions of custody (maybe), alimony, splitting up property. But once that's worked out, they are free to live their lives.

The children, however, spend the rest of their lives dealing with the fallout.

For me it happens every holiday season. Who to be with, where to go, who gets breakfast, who gets dinner...it becomes one giant juggling act. There are suggestions, guilt trips, pity parties and resentments.. It really puts a damper on things. I would love to just take a vacation from life beginning on the day before Thanksgiving and ending on the day after Christmas.

In fact, it seems to be a bigger deal now that I am an adult with my own family than when I was a kid.

So...here is a great movie to get you started on the path to staying together. And then there is a book. I have seen it/read it. It is guaranteed to help.

Please. Thanks.

Christmas Letter

When I was growing up my mom always wrote a letter to be included with the Christmas cards she sent out. You know...the letter that gives everyone the update on what each member of the family is doing?

Well, the problem was (as I saw it then and still today) that the letter was complete and total baloney. I used to read it aloud and then just laugh my ars off at all of the lies and misrepresentations. You would have thought we were the happy, loving, totally functional family that we were NOT!

Honestly, I think most letters tend to paint the family in question as perfect, but I also "get" the fact that it would be a little inappropriate to air your dirty laundry in a form letter that you are sending to every Tom, Dick and Harry on your Christmas list. I mean, do you really want your childhood best friend with whom you rarely speak to know that your life is totally f-ed up?

Anyway, there was one year that I really gave my mom heck for sending out a letter at all. I wanted to rewrite it with the truth and slip it in the cards while she wasn't looking.

Her version basically went on and on about her job and how important it was, and then talked about my step dad and all the vitally important work he was doing and how they were enjoying sailing in their free time, yada yada. Then it raved about my older brother, Karl, and the fact that he was doing sooooo well at the Ivy League college he attended. It mentioned that I was a senior in high school and still undecided about which college I would be attending. Then it said that my younger brother, Kurt, was a sophomore in high school and that he really enjoyed going to concerts.

Well....my version would have been something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

Wow! What a totally f-ed up year 1989 has turned out to be for us! It's hard to believe there could be a more dysfunctional a family out there!

We are on the brink of divorce...it's completely inevitable, but neither one of us has the hootspa to pull the trigger and get it over with. Instead we just scream at each other every night until we are so exhausted we just go to sleep and agree to pick up where we left off in the morning.

Karl is doing exceedingly well at his prestigious Ivy League college. We especially like being able to brag about him to our friends whose children go to State. It makes us feel really really important. We are hoping that some day he will make a ton of money and support us.

Kerry...well, what to say about her?! Right now, her hair is purple and shaved on one side. She wears combat boots every day and a leather jacket with spikes on it. She smokes enormous amounts of pot and likes to stay out all night. Her walls are covered with posters of some group called The Cure. Even though she is smart enough to do just about anything, she refuses to talk about college and has not filled out one application. This embarrasses us to no end. What will we tell our neighbors?

Kurt finally had enough of our drama, dropped out of high school and left home. He is currently on tour with the Grateful Dead. He is in contact with no one except Kerry. Last she heard from him, he was selling grilled cheese sandwiches outside the Dead shows and dropping acid daily. So we're assuming this means he won't be going to college, either.

Have a Merry Christmas!

OK, I need to pause for a minute to stop laughing! I wish I would have done it...can you imagine?!

Needless to say, I did end up going to college. My hair is no longer shaved or purple. I pay taxes and don't break the law (often). I haven't smoked pot in about 16 years (makes me too sleepy), and I rarely stay up past 10. However, I still love The Cure and most of my clothes are black or dark gray.

Kurt finally went back to high school after Jerry Garcia died (which was the most traumatizing event!). He stopped doing acid shortly thereafter (I think). He never did go to college, but he works an honest job and is a married, law-abiding citizen. He still listens to the Dead and can tell you every song they played at every show he went to.

Karl went on to make oodles of money. However, he is also very cheap and doesn't share it with anybody!

Anyway...I almost wrote a letter with this year's card. It would have gone a little something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

It's hard to believe 2009 is coming to an end! Where did it go?

I am still busy being a mom. I don't have nearly enough energy to keep up with Kaleb, and I usually feel totally inadequate and ill-prepared! I still volunteer with both elementary and junior-high students at our church. I get way more out of it than the kids do, and I always chuckle a little when I realize that heading out to church is one of my favorite things in the world...I never would have guessed that 20 years ago!

Keith works ridiculously hard to support us. Business has been very slow and the stress of being self-employed sometimes gets the better of him, but he is really good about planning fun things for us to do as a family.

We had a marriage-changing experience when we did the 40-day Love Dare...it really opened our eyes to the gift that God has given us in each other. It reminded us just how important our marriage is and that we have to keep feeding it to keep it alive. I am so thankful to our church for introducing us to the book. It came at the perfect time, as we had really gotten in a rut. I feel blessed to have been married (mostly happily) for the past 7 1/2 years.

Kyle continues to just be awesome. He finished the first half of his sophomore year at Cal State Chico. His grades were decent, too. I'm pretty sure he did his share of beer-pong, and I hope he had fun doing it. He has made the decision to leave college and enlist in the United States Army. He wants to be an Airborne medic (just like Keith was). We are so very proud of him. We have always been very supportive of our troops, and so now more than ever we will continue to be! However, we are also nervous because of the very real possibility that he will end up in Afghanistan. I get upset every time I think about it. However, he is an adult, and so we will have to let him go and trust in the Lord to protect him.

Kaleb is 3 1/2 and growing bigger every day. He goes to preschool 3 days a week and loves it! He has made lots of friends. I love when I drop him off and the other kids say "Kaleb is here! Kaleb is here!" He is a bundle of energy and brings me to the point of exhaustion every day! But don't get me wrong - I love it! Life is so fun when he's around! He is funny and smart and full of love and I learn so much from him. He still sleeps in our bed most nights, but someday he won't and I know I will miss it.

I hope this letter finds you and yours happy and healthy. I pray blessings for your family.

Love,

Kerry

The best part about this letter is that it's all true and not exaggerated (of course I left out a few gory details, but dang...that's none of your business)! I am so happy with my boring, imperfect life!

Tower of Terror

Ever since Kaleb reached 40 inches tall, going to Disneyland has been so much fun. Now he can go on Star Tours, Splash Mountain, Soarin', and...as we discovered last week Tower of Terror.

I had never been on the ride, but silly me I just assumed if he was tall enough he must be old enough as well. The thing is...Kaleb is only 3 1/2 but he's as tall as a lot of 4 and 5 year-olds.

So we're standing in line and I notice several people looking at Kaleb and smiling, then whispering. Of course I just assumed they were talking about how handsome he is.

We get on the ride, strap ourselves in, and then...it happened...I realized that this ride was going to scare the living daylights out of him and maybe even scar him for life!

The lights go out, they play a little blurb about the haunted hotel we're in, and then we dropped! It was too dark for me to see Kaleb at first, but when I finally did his face said it all:

It said, "Mommy, you are a dumb-ass! What the heck are you trying to do to me? You know I'm gonna be waking up with nightmares for the next month, right? If I knew how to use the phone, I'd report you to Social Services. Why, Mommy? Why? I'll be a good boy! I promise!"

We went directly from Tower of Terror to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show. And from there to other happy rides.

...but you know what? He didn't shed a single tear. He even laughed about it later. That's my boy!

Maybe a Job?

I am blessed that I have been able to stay home with Kaleb since he was born. It has definitely been a sacrifice, but one that is well worth it. I love him to pieces, so being with him brings me joy.

Actually I do work, I just don't get paid. I do all of the bookkeeping for Keith's company, as well as my mother-in-law's. It saves the company money, and once in a while they send me to the spa. Plus, it helps to keep my brain sharp and makes me feel useful!

Anyway, for about the past year I have been really missing working...outside the home. I miss getting dressed in more than jeans or sweats. I miss grown-up interaction. I miss the feeling of being something other than "Kaleb's mom." I miss having a paycheck with my name on! And I really miss the extra things that really aren't very important, but make life a little nicer...things we have had to cut from our budget as business has slowed, like mani/pedi's, Starbucks, shopping, etc.

Now that Kaleb is in preschool I have the time to work. He is really happy at school, so there is zero guilt about leaving him there. He is definitely in good company. I have been keeping my eye out for opportunities that could fit my qualifications. Even though I am a teacher, I have not been looking much in that field because of the current state of education in California. I have focused more on my business background.

I did, however, apply for a job last month through the Department of Education as a Title I tutor for disadvantaged children in foster and group homes. I didn't expect to hear anything and actually had almost forgotten about.

And then today Kaleb's school passed out information regarding new extended hours...I was excited because it gives me a bit more flexibility when applying for jobs. Even more exciting...I just got an email that they would like me to call and schedule an interview for the tutor job!

I love the timing of things....God has funny ways of showing me that he actually is listening!

...fingers crossed :)

PLEASE HELP OUR TROOPS!

OPERATION SANDTRAP

Our close friend, SSG Pete Neally deployed to Iraq 2 weeks ago on his third tour of duty with the United States Army. He will be away from his family for a year in service to our great country.

Pete and Keith went to high school together. They both joined the army after high school. Pete was the Best Man in our wedding. Pete reenlisted in the army about 4 years ago. His wife, Kerri, is awesome! They have 5 children ranging from age 6 to 20. Imagine your husband being away for a year...

Before Pete deployed he asked Keith to round up some golf clubs and balls to send overseas for the troops to use on their downtime. Well....I took the mission from Keith and ran with it. I am amazed at the generosity of people. I have collected almost 200 golf clubs and thousands of balls.

This is where you can help: Shipping all of these items will be very expensive. I completely understand that times are tough...trust me, we are pinching every penny in this house. Would you please consider donating even $5 for shipping costs? Any amount is very much appreciated!

Please share this information with as many people as possible! Thank you in advance on behalf of Pete and his family!

To Donate: please email me at: opsandtrap@gmail.com

My Good Samaritan

This weekend Keith and I rented a Harley and headed out to Palm Springs for a Social Distortion concert. It was so nice to have a whole night to ourselves.

We went out to a nice dinner, the concert was awesome, and the ride was exhilarating!

Sunday, after we returned the bike we picked up Kaleb from Grandma's house and made our way home. We were tired and really grungy from the ride.

We stopped at the gas station near our house to fill up. There, a man asked Keith if we had a jack. His car had a flat.

Now, we did have a jack, but to get to it meant unloading the back of the car and lifting up the carpet to get into the compartment where all the tools were. It was kind of a pain.

Honestly, if it were me I'm not sure what I would have done. I'd like to think I would help but I can't say so 100%.

I could see those same thoughts going through Keith's mind, and then I watched as he dug through everything and started to help.

It turned out to be about a 1/2 hour job....just as he was finishing helping, he noticed the man's wife and new baby in the car. He didn't know they were there when he agreed to help.

Anyway...I know I write a lot of posts where I make fun of Keith and the things he does or says, but I also want to give him credit for being a good Samaritan and taking time to help someone in need. It is one of his best qualities. I could rattle of dozens of stories in which he has helped people without getting anything in return.

I love you, babe! May we all follow your example!

Kalebisms

I have been meaning to keep a list of the funny things that come out of Kaleb's mouth. I have no idea where he learns these expressions, but lately he is full of them. We call them "Kalebisms." Here are just a few:

*I was telling Kaleb about my day and he said, "hmm, that's interesting."

*I told Kaleb he couldn't actually climb walls like Spiderman and he said, "oooh, can't I?"

*Kaleb and Kyle were floating on a raft in the pool. He put both arms under his head and said, "this is the life."

*I asked Kaleb what he wanted for breakfast. He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said, "I ALREADY told you! Aren't you listening?"