This post proves I am a nut

I think it is safe to say that the experience of going through 5 miscarriages has had an affect on my parenting. When I was pregnant with Kaleb we rented one of those fetal dopplers so that we could listen to his heartbeat. I used it all the time until he was kicking on a regular basis. I guess I always had a bit of fear that something would happen to him.

When Kaleb was an infant, I would check him constantly to be sure he was breathing. I was completely paranoid about SIDS.

So here comes the part where I am a nut. Today, Kaleb and I went to the zoo. It is a really hot day and I think he might be coming down with something. Add that to a car ride home and you get one nap! He never naps anymore, so I was grateful for the quiet time.

About 2 hours after we got home, I went to check on him. My paranoia about SIDS was creeping up on me. I know, I know...he is long past the risk for SIDS. The thing is, I watch too much TV so I hear about awful things happening to others and am convinced they will happen to me. So...I go into his room and look down at him. His color seems off. I am sure of it. He looks really pale with a bluish tint. I watch his chest to see it rise and fall, only I can't see it!

What did I do next? Yep, you guessed it! I grabbed him by the shoulders and let out this awful cry, "oh, God!"

At which point Kaleb's eyes popped open and he said, "Mommy I so tired."

For about 5 minutes after this I knelt by his bed and cried and prayed to God and gave Him thanks for a healthy, beautiful son. My heart was pounding, my whole body was trembling, and sweet Kaleb was back to his nap!

I know other people have probably done the same thing. I wish I could say I have never done this before. I think this was about the 4th time in his 2 1/2 years that I have completely freaked out thinking he was dead.

I am sure that if Keith reads this, he will promptly start researching psychiatric hospitals to admit me to. All I ask for is a private room with an ocean view.

On a serious note, be grateful for the children in your life. Give thanks to God if they are healthy. Because unfortunately for some parents, they will not be able to laugh about how they scared the crap out of their sleeping child. I can't even begin to imagine that. And now, I am going to join my little guy on the couch for a thrilling episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Will it always be like this?

Before Kaleb was born, I can remember being at the grocery store and witnessing a toddler having a complete fit. The mother said, "if you don't stop it we are going to leave the cart right here and go home." The child didn't stop, and they didn't go home. I though to myself, "I will never do that. If I make a threat, I will follow through."

Today that was tested. But first - a little background.

Normally I would describe Kaleb as funny, smart, cute, kind, thoughtful, etc etc. Typical mom gushing about her child description. However - lately I have been using the word "turd" a lot. A. LOT. I know, I know, it sounds horrible to call my sweet precious gift from God a turd. But, as Woody says "if the boot fits...".

He has suddenly become defiant and argumentative. his favorite word is "NO" and he refuses to accept my authority over him. The terrible two's have finally hit just a few months away from his 3rd birthday.

Fast forward to today. My mom was having cataract surgery, so after we dropped her off we headed to Disneyland to have some fun until she was ready to be picked up. This morning Kaleb was being difficult and Keith wondered whether he should be rewarded with a trip to Disneyland or not. I decided to tell Kaleb what he needed to do in order for us to go. And he did.

We get parked in Goofy, 4C and head for the tram. As we are waiting in line, I opened the stroller for him to hop out.

Kaleb: "NO" and pulls the bar shut.

Me: "Kaleb, I need you to get out so I can fold the stroller up and we can get in the tram."

Kaleb: "NO!!!" (and not at all in a playful way)

Me: "Kaleb, if you don't get out RIGHT NOW we are going to turn around and go home." (mind you, we are probably going to be on the next tram)

Kaleb: "Go home." (Crap...he's calling my bluff)

Me: "OK, here we go!"

As we turn around to go, I desperately want to tell everyone who is staring at me like I am so evil, "Don't worry, we come here once a week. It'll be OK; he'll survive. I'm trying to teach him a lesson!"

When he realized we were actually leaving he threw an absolute fit. It sucked. I hated taking something as fun as Disneyland away from him. But...I really want him to see that there are consequences for his actions. I really hope he gets it. I really hope this is just a phase and it will pass.

He fell asleep on the way home. I put him in bed for a nap without waking him. He looked like such an angel. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

For Husbands, take 2

Dear Loving Husbands,

If you tell your wife that you want to leave at 9:45, please do not start waiting at the bottom of the stairs at 9:20 and ask "how we doing?" every 5 minutes.

Women typically know exactly how long they need to get ready. Some of us have it down to the minute. Asking for status updates only makes us feels rushed, and that is when accidents happen. Like...sticking our eye with the mascara brush because we are trying to hurry up.

So...when you say "how we doing?", my response is "we be doing just fine if you would pipe down until 9:45!

Sheesh!

For Husbands

Dear Loving Husbands of the World,

When you and your wife are sitting in the lounge of a restaurant while waiting for your table, and a group of hottsie-tottsie's is sitting next to you [wait...I am not being catty. You know the type - big hair, big make-up, skinny jeans and knee-high black boots with stiletto heals], do NOT...I repeat...do NOT reach over and grab the roll of extra skin that resides around your wife's waist.

Seriously. I can't believe I even have to say it.

Everyday Chaos

I love when Kyle is home! Kaleb is soooo happy to have him here. He really loves his big brother! Also, it kind of gives me a break from being his playmate. So, in this clip, Kaleb is trying to wrestle Kyle, the dogs come tearing into the house in hopes of finding and killing Corkie, and I just stand back and smile!

PS: A big shout out to Heidi for her marketing technique!

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Finally! A moment of peace to update my blog. These are some pictures of my nieces and nephews: Emily, Andrew and Caitlin. They are my older brother's kids and they live in London. My brother is a big-wig hedge fund manager there...he's lived there since after graduate school and I doubt he will ever move back. London suits him perfectly...proper and proper! Do you remember in Ferris Bueller's Day Off when Ferris was describing how uptight Cameron is by telling what would happen to a piece of coal if you stuck it in a certain orifice? That is my brother. We are not what you would call close. He tends to talk to me like I am some poor, white-trash relative of his who he is forced to spend time with once a year. I find it all really amusing. Telling him about our neighbor's RV and sand buggy while watching him cringe is so funny! I taught Emily how to stick olives on her fingers when she was young, and I think my sister-in-law is still pissed!

Anyway, their kids are really cute and Kaleb is always excited to see them. They spend a week in Palm Springs after Christmas each year, so we always go out then. My mom also spends the week with them, and I know she loves having all of her grand kids together.

They are back in London, we are back home, and we will see them again next year.