This post proves I am a nut

I think it is safe to say that the experience of going through 5 miscarriages has had an affect on my parenting. When I was pregnant with Kaleb we rented one of those fetal dopplers so that we could listen to his heartbeat. I used it all the time until he was kicking on a regular basis. I guess I always had a bit of fear that something would happen to him.

When Kaleb was an infant, I would check him constantly to be sure he was breathing. I was completely paranoid about SIDS.

So here comes the part where I am a nut. Today, Kaleb and I went to the zoo. It is a really hot day and I think he might be coming down with something. Add that to a car ride home and you get one nap! He never naps anymore, so I was grateful for the quiet time.

About 2 hours after we got home, I went to check on him. My paranoia about SIDS was creeping up on me. I know, I know...he is long past the risk for SIDS. The thing is, I watch too much TV so I hear about awful things happening to others and am convinced they will happen to me. So...I go into his room and look down at him. His color seems off. I am sure of it. He looks really pale with a bluish tint. I watch his chest to see it rise and fall, only I can't see it!

What did I do next? Yep, you guessed it! I grabbed him by the shoulders and let out this awful cry, "oh, God!"

At which point Kaleb's eyes popped open and he said, "Mommy I so tired."

For about 5 minutes after this I knelt by his bed and cried and prayed to God and gave Him thanks for a healthy, beautiful son. My heart was pounding, my whole body was trembling, and sweet Kaleb was back to his nap!

I know other people have probably done the same thing. I wish I could say I have never done this before. I think this was about the 4th time in his 2 1/2 years that I have completely freaked out thinking he was dead.

I am sure that if Keith reads this, he will promptly start researching psychiatric hospitals to admit me to. All I ask for is a private room with an ocean view.

On a serious note, be grateful for the children in your life. Give thanks to God if they are healthy. Because unfortunately for some parents, they will not be able to laugh about how they scared the crap out of their sleeping child. I can't even begin to imagine that. And now, I am going to join my little guy on the couch for a thrilling episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.