Badonkadonk

It's Christmas. Presents are open. I am happy...mainly because it's just me and my boyz. No big family get-together (until later). Just us, in our jammies, playing with toys and laughing and loving. Being a family.

It's a Hallmark moment.

I take a shower.

After, as I am drying off Kaleb comes in and shrieks "aaahhh, look at Mommy's butt!"

Precious angel.

Daddy says, "hey watch this", and proceeds to first spank my butt and then say "Boing! Boing! Watch it jiggle! It's just like jello!"

Precious. Something.

It's moments like this I cherish.

Stay Married

Please...stay married.

I am saying this as an adult child of divorce...it sounds like some self-help group.

All I know is I am almost 40 and it seems like the (multiple) divorces in my family affect me now more than ever.

And I'm sick of it.

And I'm pissed.

And so, if you are married, I am begging you to do what you can to keep it that way.

The thing is, the 2 people who get divorced aren't really the ones who have to deal with the fallout. Sure, when it initially happens, there are questions of custody (maybe), alimony, splitting up property. But once that's worked out, they are free to live their lives.

The children, however, spend the rest of their lives dealing with the fallout.

For me it happens every holiday season. Who to be with, where to go, who gets breakfast, who gets dinner...it becomes one giant juggling act. There are suggestions, guilt trips, pity parties and resentments.. It really puts a damper on things. I would love to just take a vacation from life beginning on the day before Thanksgiving and ending on the day after Christmas.

In fact, it seems to be a bigger deal now that I am an adult with my own family than when I was a kid.

So...here is a great movie to get you started on the path to staying together. And then there is a book. I have seen it/read it. It is guaranteed to help.

Please. Thanks.

Christmas Letter

When I was growing up my mom always wrote a letter to be included with the Christmas cards she sent out. You know...the letter that gives everyone the update on what each member of the family is doing?

Well, the problem was (as I saw it then and still today) that the letter was complete and total baloney. I used to read it aloud and then just laugh my ars off at all of the lies and misrepresentations. You would have thought we were the happy, loving, totally functional family that we were NOT!

Honestly, I think most letters tend to paint the family in question as perfect, but I also "get" the fact that it would be a little inappropriate to air your dirty laundry in a form letter that you are sending to every Tom, Dick and Harry on your Christmas list. I mean, do you really want your childhood best friend with whom you rarely speak to know that your life is totally f-ed up?

Anyway, there was one year that I really gave my mom heck for sending out a letter at all. I wanted to rewrite it with the truth and slip it in the cards while she wasn't looking.

Her version basically went on and on about her job and how important it was, and then talked about my step dad and all the vitally important work he was doing and how they were enjoying sailing in their free time, yada yada. Then it raved about my older brother, Karl, and the fact that he was doing sooooo well at the Ivy League college he attended. It mentioned that I was a senior in high school and still undecided about which college I would be attending. Then it said that my younger brother, Kurt, was a sophomore in high school and that he really enjoyed going to concerts.

Well....my version would have been something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

Wow! What a totally f-ed up year 1989 has turned out to be for us! It's hard to believe there could be a more dysfunctional a family out there!

We are on the brink of divorce...it's completely inevitable, but neither one of us has the hootspa to pull the trigger and get it over with. Instead we just scream at each other every night until we are so exhausted we just go to sleep and agree to pick up where we left off in the morning.

Karl is doing exceedingly well at his prestigious Ivy League college. We especially like being able to brag about him to our friends whose children go to State. It makes us feel really really important. We are hoping that some day he will make a ton of money and support us.

Kerry...well, what to say about her?! Right now, her hair is purple and shaved on one side. She wears combat boots every day and a leather jacket with spikes on it. She smokes enormous amounts of pot and likes to stay out all night. Her walls are covered with posters of some group called The Cure. Even though she is smart enough to do just about anything, she refuses to talk about college and has not filled out one application. This embarrasses us to no end. What will we tell our neighbors?

Kurt finally had enough of our drama, dropped out of high school and left home. He is currently on tour with the Grateful Dead. He is in contact with no one except Kerry. Last she heard from him, he was selling grilled cheese sandwiches outside the Dead shows and dropping acid daily. So we're assuming this means he won't be going to college, either.

Have a Merry Christmas!

OK, I need to pause for a minute to stop laughing! I wish I would have done it...can you imagine?!

Needless to say, I did end up going to college. My hair is no longer shaved or purple. I pay taxes and don't break the law (often). I haven't smoked pot in about 16 years (makes me too sleepy), and I rarely stay up past 10. However, I still love The Cure and most of my clothes are black or dark gray.

Kurt finally went back to high school after Jerry Garcia died (which was the most traumatizing event!). He stopped doing acid shortly thereafter (I think). He never did go to college, but he works an honest job and is a married, law-abiding citizen. He still listens to the Dead and can tell you every song they played at every show he went to.

Karl went on to make oodles of money. However, he is also very cheap and doesn't share it with anybody!

Anyway...I almost wrote a letter with this year's card. It would have gone a little something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

It's hard to believe 2009 is coming to an end! Where did it go?

I am still busy being a mom. I don't have nearly enough energy to keep up with Kaleb, and I usually feel totally inadequate and ill-prepared! I still volunteer with both elementary and junior-high students at our church. I get way more out of it than the kids do, and I always chuckle a little when I realize that heading out to church is one of my favorite things in the world...I never would have guessed that 20 years ago!

Keith works ridiculously hard to support us. Business has been very slow and the stress of being self-employed sometimes gets the better of him, but he is really good about planning fun things for us to do as a family.

We had a marriage-changing experience when we did the 40-day Love Dare...it really opened our eyes to the gift that God has given us in each other. It reminded us just how important our marriage is and that we have to keep feeding it to keep it alive. I am so thankful to our church for introducing us to the book. It came at the perfect time, as we had really gotten in a rut. I feel blessed to have been married (mostly happily) for the past 7 1/2 years.

Kyle continues to just be awesome. He finished the first half of his sophomore year at Cal State Chico. His grades were decent, too. I'm pretty sure he did his share of beer-pong, and I hope he had fun doing it. He has made the decision to leave college and enlist in the United States Army. He wants to be an Airborne medic (just like Keith was). We are so very proud of him. We have always been very supportive of our troops, and so now more than ever we will continue to be! However, we are also nervous because of the very real possibility that he will end up in Afghanistan. I get upset every time I think about it. However, he is an adult, and so we will have to let him go and trust in the Lord to protect him.

Kaleb is 3 1/2 and growing bigger every day. He goes to preschool 3 days a week and loves it! He has made lots of friends. I love when I drop him off and the other kids say "Kaleb is here! Kaleb is here!" He is a bundle of energy and brings me to the point of exhaustion every day! But don't get me wrong - I love it! Life is so fun when he's around! He is funny and smart and full of love and I learn so much from him. He still sleeps in our bed most nights, but someday he won't and I know I will miss it.

I hope this letter finds you and yours happy and healthy. I pray blessings for your family.

Love,

Kerry

The best part about this letter is that it's all true and not exaggerated (of course I left out a few gory details, but dang...that's none of your business)! I am so happy with my boring, imperfect life!

Tower of Terror

Ever since Kaleb reached 40 inches tall, going to Disneyland has been so much fun. Now he can go on Star Tours, Splash Mountain, Soarin', and...as we discovered last week Tower of Terror.

I had never been on the ride, but silly me I just assumed if he was tall enough he must be old enough as well. The thing is...Kaleb is only 3 1/2 but he's as tall as a lot of 4 and 5 year-olds.

So we're standing in line and I notice several people looking at Kaleb and smiling, then whispering. Of course I just assumed they were talking about how handsome he is.

We get on the ride, strap ourselves in, and then...it happened...I realized that this ride was going to scare the living daylights out of him and maybe even scar him for life!

The lights go out, they play a little blurb about the haunted hotel we're in, and then we dropped! It was too dark for me to see Kaleb at first, but when I finally did his face said it all:

It said, "Mommy, you are a dumb-ass! What the heck are you trying to do to me? You know I'm gonna be waking up with nightmares for the next month, right? If I knew how to use the phone, I'd report you to Social Services. Why, Mommy? Why? I'll be a good boy! I promise!"

We went directly from Tower of Terror to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show. And from there to other happy rides.

...but you know what? He didn't shed a single tear. He even laughed about it later. That's my boy!

Maybe a Job?

I am blessed that I have been able to stay home with Kaleb since he was born. It has definitely been a sacrifice, but one that is well worth it. I love him to pieces, so being with him brings me joy.

Actually I do work, I just don't get paid. I do all of the bookkeeping for Keith's company, as well as my mother-in-law's. It saves the company money, and once in a while they send me to the spa. Plus, it helps to keep my brain sharp and makes me feel useful!

Anyway, for about the past year I have been really missing working...outside the home. I miss getting dressed in more than jeans or sweats. I miss grown-up interaction. I miss the feeling of being something other than "Kaleb's mom." I miss having a paycheck with my name on! And I really miss the extra things that really aren't very important, but make life a little nicer...things we have had to cut from our budget as business has slowed, like mani/pedi's, Starbucks, shopping, etc.

Now that Kaleb is in preschool I have the time to work. He is really happy at school, so there is zero guilt about leaving him there. He is definitely in good company. I have been keeping my eye out for opportunities that could fit my qualifications. Even though I am a teacher, I have not been looking much in that field because of the current state of education in California. I have focused more on my business background.

I did, however, apply for a job last month through the Department of Education as a Title I tutor for disadvantaged children in foster and group homes. I didn't expect to hear anything and actually had almost forgotten about.

And then today Kaleb's school passed out information regarding new extended hours...I was excited because it gives me a bit more flexibility when applying for jobs. Even more exciting...I just got an email that they would like me to call and schedule an interview for the tutor job!

I love the timing of things....God has funny ways of showing me that he actually is listening!

...fingers crossed :)

PLEASE HELP OUR TROOPS!

OPERATION SANDTRAP

Our close friend, SSG Pete Neally deployed to Iraq 2 weeks ago on his third tour of duty with the United States Army. He will be away from his family for a year in service to our great country.

Pete and Keith went to high school together. They both joined the army after high school. Pete was the Best Man in our wedding. Pete reenlisted in the army about 4 years ago. His wife, Kerri, is awesome! They have 5 children ranging from age 6 to 20. Imagine your husband being away for a year...

Before Pete deployed he asked Keith to round up some golf clubs and balls to send overseas for the troops to use on their downtime. Well....I took the mission from Keith and ran with it. I am amazed at the generosity of people. I have collected almost 200 golf clubs and thousands of balls.

This is where you can help: Shipping all of these items will be very expensive. I completely understand that times are tough...trust me, we are pinching every penny in this house. Would you please consider donating even $5 for shipping costs? Any amount is very much appreciated!

Please share this information with as many people as possible! Thank you in advance on behalf of Pete and his family!

To Donate: please email me at: opsandtrap@gmail.com

My Good Samaritan

This weekend Keith and I rented a Harley and headed out to Palm Springs for a Social Distortion concert. It was so nice to have a whole night to ourselves.

We went out to a nice dinner, the concert was awesome, and the ride was exhilarating!

Sunday, after we returned the bike we picked up Kaleb from Grandma's house and made our way home. We were tired and really grungy from the ride.

We stopped at the gas station near our house to fill up. There, a man asked Keith if we had a jack. His car had a flat.

Now, we did have a jack, but to get to it meant unloading the back of the car and lifting up the carpet to get into the compartment where all the tools were. It was kind of a pain.

Honestly, if it were me I'm not sure what I would have done. I'd like to think I would help but I can't say so 100%.

I could see those same thoughts going through Keith's mind, and then I watched as he dug through everything and started to help.

It turned out to be about a 1/2 hour job....just as he was finishing helping, he noticed the man's wife and new baby in the car. He didn't know they were there when he agreed to help.

Anyway...I know I write a lot of posts where I make fun of Keith and the things he does or says, but I also want to give him credit for being a good Samaritan and taking time to help someone in need. It is one of his best qualities. I could rattle of dozens of stories in which he has helped people without getting anything in return.

I love you, babe! May we all follow your example!

Kalebisms

I have been meaning to keep a list of the funny things that come out of Kaleb's mouth. I have no idea where he learns these expressions, but lately he is full of them. We call them "Kalebisms." Here are just a few:

*I was telling Kaleb about my day and he said, "hmm, that's interesting."

*I told Kaleb he couldn't actually climb walls like Spiderman and he said, "oooh, can't I?"

*Kaleb and Kyle were floating on a raft in the pool. He put both arms under his head and said, "this is the life."

*I asked Kaleb what he wanted for breakfast. He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said, "I ALREADY told you! Aren't you listening?"

I'm just sayin.....

If your shorts are so short that you need a bikini wax before you can safely wear them, they might just be too short.


I'm just sayin...


***the preceding post was inspired by the girl in front of me in class at the gym today. Yikes!

Dear Jon & Kate

Please stop! Just, for the love of the Lord Almighty, stop!

It is sickening to watch you two duke it out on every magazine cover, talk show, and news program that will have you.

You have 8 children, for craps sake. Are you both naive enough to think they will never see or hear this stuff?

Just knock it off.

As a mother and a child of divorce, I am pleading with you to suck it up, get over it, and be civil for your "multiple blessings' " sake. Remember them: Cara, Madelyn, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel? You wrote a book about them. I wasted $10 to come see Kate speak at my church (I'm still pissed at what a waste of time and money that was).

Kate: You really blew it when you cut off Jon's balls and put them in your purse. Then you apparently switched purses and lost his balls all together. What do you expect to happen when you emasculate your husband? Lesson number one in how to treat a man is to LET him BE a man!

Jon: WTF dude? Do you honestly think any of these chickadoos with big boobies would be throwing themselves at you if you were just plain old Jon Gosselin? Hardly. You are acting like a petulant child.

OK, you two...understand? If you need an example to look to, see Bruce and Demi.

Thank you.

20th Reunion

Crap! It makes me feel old just to type that. I swear, when our 21 year-old babysitter comes over and we chat I feel like we are peers...until I tell her we are going to see such-and-such band and she stares at me blankly.

Last month I popped a few Xanax, hopped on a plane to New York City, took a shuttle to the ridiculously snotty and overpriced Greenwich, CT and went to my 20th reunion. High school...but if you were thinking college then shame on you!

Actually to clarify...I was class of 1990, but I only went to Greenwich High School for 2 years. My mother has a propensity for moving every few years, and although I was very happy living in Bucks County, Pennsylvania she decided it would be best to uproot me from my friends and plop me in the uber-exclusive community of Greenwich for my junior and senior years. Sooooo, I knew for sure that there were people I wanted to see going to class of '89 reunion and I went.

Here is some background of me in high school...when I started out at Greenwich I was preppy/skate-Betty girl. However, as my depression over my new local set in, I quickly was transformed into angry Gothic-girl. I wore all black, all the time, with a black leather jacket with spikes on the shoulders and combat boots. My hair was half-shaved, half purple, and I was completely stoned out of my mind ALL THE TIME! (don't worry, haven't touched the stuff in years and years) here's a pic:

I know, classy!

Here are the highlights from my trip:

I met up with my bestest friend from high school, Diana. We met at some hokey group for new kids. I guess it wasn't too hokey, though because we clicked and have stayed in touch since high school. I can't say enough about her.

Here is a picture of us back in 1990:

...and today ( I think we are way cuter now!)

One of the main reasons I decided to go is my friend Stuart. We were pretty good friends back in the day. I remember him as being really funny and a total wise-ass. He has not changed one bit.

His wife, Brecken had sent me a friend request on FB a while back with a note attached that said she had heard all about me and thought we'd get along.

Let me just say this: I have had a few friend requests from wives of male friends on FB. I always think it's weird when that happens and I've never met them and they just send a request with no note. So I always decline! I'm sorry, but it comes across as a bit of a cock-block (pardon my French). Have you seen my husband? He's pretty hot and keeps me laughing, so I'll keep mine and you can keep yours, OK?

I can't imagine sending a friend request to Keith's female friends who I don't know. UNLESS, like Brecken did, I thought we'd get along and in that case I would write a note along with the request.

Anyway, she was right and we hit it off instantly. I feel like I've known her forever and am bummed that she and Stuart live in South Carolina. Stuart and Keith are very similar and I know they'd get along as well. Brecken and I both know what it's like to feel a little bit afraid every time our husband opens his mouth!

Stuart & Brecken (like I said, he's a wise-ass)

Me & Brecken sharing a White Russian (did not need it whatsoever)

Me, Diana & Gregg (her hubby), Stu & Brecken

I also was lucky enough to have dinner with my friends from Fordham Univeristy. We went to the cutest place right on the Hudson River in Tarrytown, NY.

There's a back story to me and Fordham. I left after our sophomore year. I guess you could say that I was having a difficult time balancing my social and academic lives. Silly me to pick a small, Jesuit school! Anyway, these friends really put up with a lot from me, and I was so happy to see them again.

As far as the reunion itself, I stayed for about an hour! It was sooooooooooo high school I wanted to vomit. All the old cliques. Anyway, it really didn't matter.

I sometimes feel like my own memories of those days are clouded (maybe it's all that pot?). I tend to be really negative and harp on the fact that we moved and how hard it was to make friends. The thing is, I did make some good friends. Lasting friendships.

So, I guess that means I can stop blaming my mother for ruining my life, huh?

Time is Fleeting

Today it occurred to me that some day Kaleb will realize I am not the end-all, be-all when it comes to women. This has made me very, very sad.

Friendship

Haven't blogged in a while....have been super-busy and a little computer-shy. I've been reevaluating what friendship means to me. I think I have spent too much time focusing on artificial, online friendships and not enough on real, live people.

If you blog, then you may be able to relate to how it feels to have a negative comment posted about you. I think normally it would be posted on your own blog, but if you are really lucky (as I was), you may be able to read a negative comment about you posted on someone else's blog. Someone left a comment on someone else's blog that she had read a post written by me, and how I was such a negative person and she felt sorry for me.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I have been called a lot of things in my life but negative is not one of them. I readily admit to being opinionated, outspoken, sarcastic, and hard-headed with a low threshold for bullshit. I am also funny, witty, generous, kind and loyal.

I honestly don't know why I can't get past that comment. I wish it didn't bug me. But it does. Perhaps I should add over-sensitive to my list!

So add to that comment the fact that the very next week I saw someone almost every day with whom I have had (what I would call) extensive online communication with and they completely and totally ignored me! I'm talking - eye contact was made and as I was opening my mouth to say hello, their head was turning the other way.

Ouch! Self-esteem definitely suffering!

I won't get into my high school reunion and all the feelings that brought up!

I will, however, say that I have chosen to focus on my true friends. I am blessed to have several. I will have to do separate posts to give each of these friends their due credit: in the past month I have met up with an amazing group of friends from college in New York, spent time with good friends from high school in Connecticut, and then traveled up to Washington to be with one of my favorite couples in the world (as well as their awesome kids!).

So...hooray for you! You have so many exciting posts to look forward to! ooohh...almost forgot! I went skydiving with Kyle and it was an amazing, life-changing experience! Add that to my list of future posts. They will have to wait, as we are leaving for Chico in the morning to bring Kyle back to school. Have a great week!

UGSFAW

...or for those of you who don't know: "Ultimate, gnarly, super, fantastic awesome week." It's the way our church does VBS (vacation bible school) for first-fifth grades. It is a week of incredible worship, learning, having fun and making new friends. I have been blessed to volunteer on ORANGE team for the past 3 years.

A little recap of day 1:

*Our children's ministry team is off-the-charts amazing! Can't even elaborate more. If I had been exposed to something like UGSFAW when I was young, I may have come to know Jesus sooner and spared myself (and others) a ton of pain.

*Our volunteers are awesome! Some of them take a week off of work to be a part of UGSFAW. Imagine, using a weeks' vacation to hang out with hundreds of kids instead of heading to an island somewhere?!

*The children are the best! They are what motivates me to keep going even when I might not necessarily feel like it.

And a few hints:

*If your child is shy or scared of not knowing anyone, you sitting with them the whole day is not going to help them! We have it totally under control! They will be fine! In most cases they will probably end up having a blast...so, it's OK to leave now mom!

*Ladies, ladies! What is with the crazy driving in the parking lot! Have patience! Everyone will get out of the parking lot eventually. We all have things to do and places to be. So be nice...your kids just spent all day learning about God. Try to be an example, as well.

PS: ORANGE TEAM ROCKS!

Women Behaving Badly

I have noticed a disturbing trend lately of women acting completely selfishly, with utter disregard for other people. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, since we do live in an increasingly "me" oriented society. It seems like it's more the norm to put our own interests and needs above other people's. Manners seem to be more a thing of the past (which is totally obvious any time you get on the freeway).

This week I witnessed 2 separate examples of this bad behavior...both times from women.

Example #1: At the gym, I take a class called "24 set." It is pretty popular, and so it's important to get there early to line up. Once the class before lets out, we all rush in and start grabbing our equipment. The problem is, there aren't enough clips (that hold the weights on the bar) for everyone, so some people have to go without.

However, lately women are going into the room before the other class is even finished and setting up their stuff while people are still working out. Plus, people rush in and pretty much knock anyone and everyone over to get their equipment. If you waste time being polite, you'll end up without a spot.

And even though a bunch of us were talking about this very thing as we waited in line, the tension started to grow as the class time drew closer. We all started jockeying for position, the conversations ceased, and we fixed our eyes on the room.

Example #2: Kaleb went to vacation bible school at our church last week. I am still amazed at the way some of the moms were driving in the parking lot at pick-up time. I watched as a lady was trying to back up from her spot. Another woman, apparently in a huge rush, was incapable of stopping to let this person back up; she just swerved to avoid her. Then, someone else came whizzing past us so fast that Keith actually yelled at her to slow down...that's when I noticed she was too busy texting to even notice.

So, ladies...why do we act like this? I'm not an innocent; I know there are plenty of times when I'm running late that I drive too fast or I don't stop to let someone cross when I otherwise would. But...I spend a lot of time trying to teach Kaleb to be polite and wait his turn. I think a lot of parents do. So why don't we follow our own advice?

This is what I call a tragedy.

This is heartbreaking. An 11 year-old girl died here in Huntington Beach yesterday during a junior guards class. I have not been able to stop thinking about it since it happened.

Here in HB, junior guards is kind of a rite of passage...talk to anyone who grew up here and they probably did it, and now their kids are probably doing it. We always talk about Kaleb doing it when he is 9 (that's when they start it). The program is nationally renowned and has been in existence since the mid-1960's with no major incidents. Until yesterday, when a sweet girl named Allyssa fell behind from the group during a swim by the pier and was run over by the lifeguard boat. She died.

There are so many parts of this that I have a tough time getting my head around.

First, I keep thinking about her mom dropping her off in the morning, having no idea that she would never see her alive again. Did they kiss goodbye? Say "I love you?" You see, Kaleb started camp at our church this week. I have been soooo excited for 2 reasons - 1) that he will have such a blast playing with other kids his age and creating things and learning about God from our awesome children's pastors, and 2) that I will have two and a half hours of time to myself each morning! I love it! I can shower, do errands, clean house...all the stuff that I have a tough time doing when Kaleb is following me around. So I just take it for granted when I drop him off that I will see him in a few hours. Now, of course I know that chances are he will be just fine, but you never know. That's what I have a hard time with. We have to let our kids grow and become independent. It's important to let them experience so many things. It wouldn't be right to keep them by our side 24/7. And yet, in doing so we also have to accept some things are out of our control. Accidents happen. We often don't get advance notice that someone is going to die or be injured. I will try to make sure he always knows how much he is loved....cherished...treasured.

Second, I just keep praying for the poor man who was driving the boat. I am sure he must be devastated. He was a veteran on the lifeguard force, highly decorated and respected. I can only guess that he loved working with the kids. I sincerely hope he can forgive himself for what so-far seems to be a tragic accident. I hope he knows how many people feel the same way.

Third, I pray for all of the other kids in the junior guard program. Summer should be a happy time when you're a child. How do you help an 11 year-old to understand and recover form losing a friend?

Last.....I wonder....at what age is it no longer a given that you will go to heaven? Is there a magic number when you need to make the decision to accept Jesus as the leader of your life? I hope Allyssa is in heaven feeling nothing but pure joy and happiness and love. And I hope that her family is comforted by that, and that they too will feel that joy and happiness again. Someday.

Our children are a gift and a blessing. Love them. Treasure them. Thank God for each day that they are in our lives.

For Husbands, Take 5

Dear Loving Husbands,

Never, ever, ever start a conversation like this, "are you OTR or something?"

Bad idea, very bad idea....

Maybe we Oversold Jesus?

This is a video of Kaleb practicing what he has been learning at swimming lessons. He loves the water. He is doing so well at his lessons. He can swim about halfway across the pool without help. The only problem is that he suddenly thinks that he knows how to swim all by himself. This terrifies me to no end. I literally have palpitations when I think about him going in the water without me.

In Orange County, drowning is the number one cause of death for kids his age. I personally know someone whose 3 year-old son drowned, and also someone whose 2 year-old grandson drowned. I am a nut about water safety.

At Kaleb's first birthday party, one of Keith's cousins let her 2 boys go swimming. She didn't even bother to sit by the pool to supervise them. Her youngest son looked like he was drowning, and one of our guests actually started running to jump in the pool and save him. I told her the boys had to get of the pool....several people thought I was totally over-reacting. I could care less. I am not about to have someone drown in my pool.

So...back to my story. We were in the backyard this weekend. Keith was in the jacuzzi with Kaleb. Kaleb decided to sit on the big step we have in the pool. All of a sudden, he decided he needed to get our dog's ball from the middle of the pool. He stood up, put his arms straight up (just like he learned at lessons), and dove in the water. He started swimming to the ball as Keith was quickly jumping in the pool to get him. Kaleb was completely unfazed by it.

Later when we were talking to him again about never ever going in the water without us, he said this:

"But Mommy, I was going to see Jesus! It's so great! I'll go see Jesus and fly around heaven with him, then come back home!" What the heck do we say to that?

Sounds from the Fiscus Boys

The sweetest sound:

At 4:00 am, Kaleb woke up and was crying, "I....want....my....mommy. I...want...my...mommy."

And although I was exhausted, my heart melted.


On the other end of the spectrum:

While sitting at a red light, Keith looked at my legs and said, "oh my gosh! What the heck is that?!" (he was pointing to a patch of spider veins.

Melting heart? notsomuch

Is This Seat Taken?

Keith and I had a much-needed date this weekend. We started off at dinner and then went to see "The Hangover."

We got to the movie about 20 minutes early. Seats were filling up fast. People were still streaming in, walking up and down the stairs looking for groups of 3 and 4seats to no avail.

There was a couple in front of us with one empty seat on either side of them. A very polite man walked up and asked, "Is that seat taken?"

"No," said the balding overweight man with his hand wrist-deep in overly-buttered popcorn.

"Is that seat taken?" the man asked, pointing to the seat on the other side.

"No."

"Great! Would you mind terribly moving over one seat so my wife and I can sit together?"

"We aren't moving."

!!!!!!

WHAT!? ARE YOU FREEKING KIDDING ME????

The a-hole wouldn't move!

I have no idea why this upset me so much except that I can't remember a time when I have seen someone be so blatantly, in-your-face mean. What's the big deal? Would it really kill you to just move your fat ass over?! (See, there I go getting upset)

Of course, at dinner I had 2 glasses of wine so my filter wasn't at 100%. I sat there and started talking (rather loudly) about what a total jerk I thought the guy was.

Keith, who drank Sprite at dinner, found my rant to be a bit rude itself. He let me know it in a few sharply-toned words.

Date over. We sat and watched the funniest movie without saying a word.

I still say the guy was a d***.

Terrible Three's ????

I don't know what the heck has happened since Kaleb turned 3, but life seems so much harder lately!

He used to be able to play independently while I got stuff done around the house. Now...he needs someone with him CONSTANTLY! And that someone usually means me!

Our house is a total disaster. I am embarrassed even when the babysitter comes over. With 2 dogs, 1 cat, a teenager and a little boy, our house is a pile of pet hair and dirt!

I just feel like I don't/can't accomplish anything. I almost feel like a prisoner to Kaleb's wants/needs for attention/companionship.

PLEASE tell me this will pass. I am starting to countdown the days until preschool starts. I am relieved that I signed him up for 3 days a week instead of 2! I feel guilty for even admitting that. I love him more than words can even express, and yet I feel like I am constantly looking forward to the next break from him.


Hmmppph!

Updates....

It seems life has been far too crazy lately for me to catch up on blogging. I know I had a few really funny posts in mind,too, but they are long forgotten. Next time I should jot it down.

My Trip to the ER: This Tuesday night I spent about 5 hours in the ER. I started having severe stomach pain Sunday night. I was literally laying in the fetal position on the bathroom floor. The pain finally went away but came back with a vengeance on Tuesday. Keith was concerned it could be gallstones, so he took me to the hospital. I must say...morphine is awesome!

Anyway, imagine how totally stupid I felt when they told me that nothing showed up on the ultrasound. They said I most likely have an ulcer and should follow up with a gastroenterologist. Keith is taking great delight in telling me I am probably the only stay-at-home mom with a stress-induced ulcer.

IHOP: So, Keith's meeting with Nicole went very well. So well, in fact that she came home with him that day and has been at our house every weekend since then. We have built a new office for me in the garage and turned the old office into a bedroom for Nicole.

She is a very sweet girl and is really happy to finally be with her dad. Keith no longer has a hole in his heart. He has prayed for years and forgiven people who need to be forgiven. God heard him and has blessed him accordingly. Kaleb loves her and is excited to have a playmate when she is here.

I am having a little bit of a hard time adjusting to our new family identity. I realized I have no idea how to be a step mom. With Kyle, he really needed a mom in his life. We bonded right away. Today, when he hurts I hurt. When he is happy I am happy. I would take a bullet for him. There is no difference in my eyes between Kyle and Kaleb.

But...Nicole has a mom. She needs a dad. I'm just an extra person. We get along just fine, but it's all very surface. I know that relationships take time. I need to have patience. I need to realize that it's not about me. It's about a lot of lost time between Nicole and Keith and letting them have all the time they need to get to know each other. In time I hope she will see me as a friend. In the meantime, it is awesome just to watch her and Keith.

I have more, but this is all I have time for tonight!

To Goodie Bag or Not?

I would like to meet the person who decided that you need to give goodie bags to all of your guests at your kid's birthday party so that I can smack him/her upside the head.

What the heck, people??!!

Is it not enough that I am having you over to my house, where I will feed and entertain you? Now I need to fill an overpriced bag with a bunch of stuff you are going to throw away?

I think it's ridiculous! I know I'm not alone on this one.

Kaleb's party is this weekend (his birthday was May 3, but we wanted to wait until Kyle was home), and Keith asked me about goodie bags. Of course, I told him how I feel about them. This is what I heard back:

"Well, babe it's not really about you, is it? It's about the kids and how excited they will be to get a bag of goodies."

Whatever.

So now I'm off to the 99-cent store to waste a bunch of money on a bunch of crap that will just get thrown away.

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast

I tried out for Survivor this week.

We have watched the show religiously since the beginning, and I always say "I could totally do that."

So when I saw that they were having an open call for next season, I decided to go for it..

I left my house at 4 am and drove down to Pala Casino. .

At 5:45 there were already a couple hundred people there. I say people, but I mean kooks. They were nuts! All dressed up and acting a fool to get on camera. .

I made my first alliance at 7 am! I was sitting in the second section of seats, and they started passing out wristbands for people. The color wristband you got determined what time you had to be back for your try-out. After the first section of seats got theirs, they told us to move forward. Well, of course the people in the back rows tried to push their way to the front. I held my arms out to keep them at bay. There was a huge Samoan guy (well, it turns out he's Mexican, but always getting confused for a Samoan) next to me who was doing the same thing. I stood right up behind him and rode his path all the way to a seat in the front row! His name is Oscar; we're buddies. Maybe I'll take him to the final two with me!.

I had to be back at 10:30. We had one minute to tell the camera why we should be on Survivor. As I was waiting for my turn, I was chatting with the guy in front of me. He said, "Have you ever actually been outside before, apart from the beach?" .

! The horror! I tried to act offended, but it was hilarious!.

That was all the motivation I needed. I rocked my minute...I even made the camera girl laugh. I don't know if I'll make it to the next level or not, but I had so much fun! I am proud of myself for going. How many times have I said "I wish I could...", or "I bet I'd be good at..." , and then done nothing? This time I can say I tried..

Johnny Fairplay has nothing on me.....watch out, Survivor!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

The cable guy was here this morning.

Kaleb was throwing a paper airplane around. He threw it at the cable guy.

Me: "Kaleb, don't throw airplanes at people."

Kaleb: "He's not people, Mommy. He's a worker."

Future CEO?

Please help this woman!

http://townselfuneralfund.chipin.com/townsel-funeral-fund

IHOP

A very important meeting is taking place this morning at IHOP.

Keith is meeting his daughter, Nicole, for the first time in almost 11 years.

It would take hours to type out the whole back-story, so I'll try to summarize.

Keith was in a relationship with a woman who became pregnant (surprise!). Their relationship was already pretty much over, but they tried to make it work for the baby. It did not.

When Nicole was born, Keith saw her as much as was allowed by her mom. Soon, things became tense.

This woman also happens to be a police officer, so let's just say she likes to be in charge and has a tough time admitting she could ever make a mistake. The 2 of them had an argument, after which things got very ugly and she made it next to impossible for Keith to see Nicole.

At some point, Keith realized that his custody of Kyle could be put in jeopardy and he had to make a choice. Unfortunately this meant not seeing Nicole.

Fast forward to when Keith and I met 9 years ago. I knew about Nicole on our first date. I have watched him struggle with the pain of his choices for the past 9 years.

There are many sad things about this story: that Nicole has not had a chance to have a father, that Keith has not known his daughter, and that both Kyle and Kaleb are being deprived of a sister. The ironic thing is that even people who don't much care for Keith are amazed at what an awesome dad he is. Truly, it is one of the things that made me fall in love with him. The proof of his ability as a parent is visible in his relationship with Kyle.

About 3 years ago, Keith reached out to this woman again and she basically made it clear that she would stop at nothing to keep him from Nicole.

About a month ago, Keith got a friend request on Facebook from this woman's brother. He said that Nicole is at the age (almost 12) where she is starting to ask questions and had expressed an interest in meeting Keith (again).

So...and let me pause to thank you if you are still reading...Keith and I visited an attorney to find out what our options are and what to expect. We left the meeting hoping that it would be possible to avoid the court system. Keith reached out to the brother for help.

A few days later, Nicole's mom called Keith. I think she is getting a lot of pressure from her family, who disagree with some of her choices, and also I think Nicole is asking more questions than she wants to answer. She is finally ready to let go of some of her control and let Nicole and Keith have a relationship.

So....this morning the 3 of them are meeting for breakfast at Nicole's favorite spot. Her mom didn't tell her about it, so I bet it will be a very emotional reunion. I know Keith was up very early!

I think what keeps going through my mind is that God is working in Keith's life. Keith has worked tirelessly to live as Jesus wants us too...in love for everyone, not just our friends. He has put aside his anger and truly forgiven. I am in awe of his ability to love and to let go. He is reaping what he has sown. He is truly deserving of a happy ending.

I am also in awe of God's plans. He blessed me with one baby that I had the joy of carrying and giving birth to. He blessed me with another son who I did not carry, but have been allowed to mother for the past 7 years of our marriage. Now, he is giving me the challenge of a 12 year-old girls in the throes of puberty. I hope that we will develop a loving relationship also.

I am on pins and needles for Keith to get home! God is good!

"All by myself!"

These are Kaleb's favorite words these days. I try to help him get dressed..."no Mommy, I can do it ALL BY MYSELF."

I try to brush his teeth..."no Mommy, I can do it ALL BY MYSELF."

I try to put him in his car seat..."no Mommy, I can do it ALL BY MYSELF."

Get the picture?

I should be happy that he is trying to become more independent. That's the goal, right? I mean, I guess I can't do it all for him forever.

...but, I'm just not ready to let him go that much yet.

The only comfort I have is that when he is tired, he still yells "Mommy, Mommy! I need you!"

...sigh

I am blessed...

...beyond compare. It is 9:30 at night, and the sounds of my family sleeping are all around me. Keith is snoring, the dogs are breathing deep, Corkie is here sleeping in front of my computer, and Kaleb just fell peacefully asleep in his own bed!

I can remember a time when I was dating and it seemed like every guy I went out with turned out to be a complete jerk! I really thought I would never marry, and would grow old with my cats. I was totally OK with that plan.

Today I am married to my best friend. He is always supportive of me no matter what, he always has my back, and he is thoughtful to a fault. I was totally spoiled for Mother's Day weekend....and not with expensive gifts, just several things that showed he put real thought into it.

We thought we would never have kids of our own. I figured I would just be an awesome step mom to Kyle as he grew up. And I am. He is as much my son as if I had given birth to him myself.

Our dogs are the best! Of course, we ended up with 2 because of the whole never-gonna-have-kids-of-our-own deal. And despite the added energy they bring to the house, they really do make our house a home. I hope they are as happy with us as we are with them.

Of course, I can't forget Corkie...I've had her since I was 21. I got her when I still lived in Connecticut. She has seen a lot of changes in our lives over the years, and she remains snuggled up in the crook of my arm every night.

Last but not least - Kaleb. My sweet, precious, amazing gift from God. I tell him every day how lucky I am that God chose me to be his mommy here on earth. He has taught me so many lessons on love, patience, joy, worry, and hope. I just can't say enough how much I love him. It also really helps that he finally sleeps through the night, most of the time in his own room!

We don't live in a huge house. We don't have wads of cash in our pockets. We don't always have enough for the "extras" that we'd like to buy.

Who cares? We have a home full of love and laughter. We are blessed.

Not their World Vision?

I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to blog. I have many posts-in-progress, like my review of Kate Gosselin's visit to our church (so much more interesting now that Jon is supposedly having an affair), Kaleb turned 3 this past Sunday (!), and he is (finally) potty-trained!

For now, I have time to vent my frustration about this:

Kaleb's birthday party isn't until the end of the month. Even though his actual birthday was Sunday, we are waiting until Kyle gets home from school to have the party.

So: if you have little ones, then you know they tend to accumulate a lot of junk. I'm talking about those toys that they never play with, and end up taking up too much space.

Kaleb has grandparents and step-grandparents who spoil him crazy, so once they are done giving him presents he has plenty. I decided for his party to ask that in lieu of gifts, people donate to our World Vision sponsor child. His name is Fredrick. He lives in Kenya and his 16th birthday is also this month. I thought it was a great idea. After all, if someone is willing to spend $20 on a present that Kaleb will never play with, surely they are willing to donate that money to someone who truly needs it. Right?

Wrong. I actually received a phone call from someone who was complaining that Kaleb knows it's his birthday and he know people get presents and yada yada. She basically made me out to be a really mean mom who was depriving my son.

I'm a little frustrated. I was just trying to do something nice for someone who has so little. Kaleb has so much; it doesn't seem like a big deal to let someone else "take" some of his loot.

Why?

Why do I sometimes know the right thing to do and I do the opposite? Why is it sometimes so clear what God wants for me and how he wants me to live and I don't do it? Why do I fight the obvious? Why do I not accept the way I was designed? Do I really think I am so powerful that I can change it or make it not so?

Good Friday

Today Jesus died for our sins. For everybody's sins - past, present and future. This amazes me to no end. I am certainly not worthy of this sacrifice. I have committed just about every sin there is. I would not give up my son's life for someone like me.

But God did. He thinks I am worth it. He loves me that much.

There are no words to describe that kind of love.

Jesus died for you, too. He loves you that much.

For Husbands, Take 4

Dear Loving Husbands,

I have been thinking that you may need some advice on how to occasionally get away with doing something very, very dumb. It is hard to be perfect, and I am aware that sometimes you may take a mis-step. And...you will need to know how to break it to your oh-so-loving wife in a way that keeps you out of the dog house.

Here is a hypothetical situation that you may put yourself in, and some advice on how to get out of it.

*****DISCLAIMER - All of the persons, places, and events in this are completely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, places or events is coincidental. *******

Let's say a guy named 'Heath' and his friend 'Pat' have a guys night out. They are actually going to be in another city, staying at a hotel.

So...Heath and Pat decide to go bar-hopping...no foul. Totally normal and expected.

Now...pay attention...if Heath and Pat somehow end up at a strip club, they are going to have to follow these simple instructions to keep themselves alive and well.

STEP 1: You must have a legitimate reason for going to a strip club. I think it is understood that, of course, seeing half-naked women is not a good enough reason. Also, that whole thing where guys act like they don't even notice the boobs is ridiculous.

An example of a legitimate reason would be: If Heath and Pat met a group of people visiting from out-of-state and discovered that one of these 50-something year-old men had NEVER been to a strip club in his life. I mean, how awful, right?! So it would only be good manners for Heath and Pat to take this man to his first strip club. Hence....legitimate reason!

STEP 2: Leave your cell phone at the hotel. This way, when your wife tries to call you to see if you are having fun with your buddy, she will not have to listen to stripper noise. You know...loud music, giggling women, drunk men. It is much better to leave her guessing. She will be so worried about you that a strip club will be a relief.

STEP 3: Make sure you get really, really drunk. So drunk that maybe you get sick. Maybe. Your wife will have no choice but to feel a little bit sorry for you.

STEP 4: It's all in the delivery boys! Naturally, you aren't going to call ahead of time and ask if it's OK to go to a strip club. That would just be silly. So...the admission of such a visit must be done with tact.

Do not act as if you are confessing something. This will only make your wife paranoid that you actually had fun at the club. So, get rid of the serious face.

It is much better if you do something like this: When you and your wife are enjoying a nice, family moment (like playing ball with your son), start laughing oh-so-softly to yourself....as if you are recalling a funny joke you heard. Of course, your wife will ask what is so funny. Then, just as if it is no big deal at all, say (very quickly)..."ohIwasjustthinkinghowfunnyitwasthat actually...ohyoujustwon'tbelieve...Ican'tlietoyou....youaregonnalaugh...meandPatwenttoastrip clublastnight."

There. Done. You have just made her believe that it actually wasn't a big deal at all. You were just helping your fellow man. You weren't there for yourself. It wasn't even fun. You didn't talk to the "girls" at all.

LASTLY: Give your wife and hug and a kiss before she can respond and say, "I knew you would understand. I love you."

Back in the Solution

A long time ago, a friend challenged a group of us to do a good deed every day and not tell anybody about it. Just to keep it between me and God. It is actually really hard to do (at least for me).

So, I tried to do it. It didn't have to be a colossal deed, just something to help another person. Once in a while the opportunity to do a really good one popped up.

I realized I haven't done it in a while. I mean, I've done some good deeds but I always end up telling someone (usually Keith).

Last night I decided to get back to it. I need to get back into gratitude for all of the amazing things in my life. And there are so many.

The opportunity presented itself clear as day, and I jumped at it.

And I felt better. Grateful. Loving.

Now, the trick is to stay this way.

Running on Empty

I feel like I am running on an empty tank. Out of patience, out
of tolerance, out of humor, out of energy....just empty.

I am quick to anger, slow to kindness. I scream at Kaleb for the smallest infraction, I feel like kicking the cat every time she starts meowing in my face, and Keith is getting a lot of short answers and rolling eyes.

I feel like every one needs something from me, like I am constantly being pulled in a dozen directions.

I am expected to keep the house clean, cook yummy dinners, do the books for the company, and be a full-time mommy to a young boy who is completely incapable of entertaining himself. I can't leave him alone without coming back to discover a total mess.

>>>>>>sigh<<<<<<

I am grateful for these problems, though. I remember when I had nobody to be responsible to/for. I remember how quiet our house was before Kaleb. I remember the meow's of my cat, Rusty, and I wish I could hear them again. I remember when I thought I would never meet anybody to settle down with, or roll my eyes at.

These are simple problems. Easy to fix. I need to pray. And meditate. And continue to remind myself of the many blessings in my life.

Or maybe if I could just clone myself??? hmmmm....

hmmm...

So Keith and I are about to go to LA for dinner then to see Simply Red (awesome!). His mom is taking Kaleb for the night.

I am all dressed and ready to go as both Keith and his mom arrive. I'm wearing black jeans, white t-shirt with black cardigan, and black boots. Makeup is probably heavier then normal, but hey...it's a concert...plus it's LA!

They both walk in, look me up and down and say...nothing. Not a word. Crickets.

hmmm...

More proof I am a nut!

Kaleb loves to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and also to McD's and play in the tunnels.

Every time he goes in them, I try to be very casual as I track his location in the tunnel. I do my best to appear as relaxed as possible, as if I am enjoying a break while my son plays.

However, appearances are deceiving. Inside, my heart is pounding and my blood pressure is rising as I think of all the things that could happen to him.

For instance - what if a future Dateline "to Catch a Predator" is in there and tries to touch Kaleb? How would I be able to know it's even happening????

Or...what if a future Jeffrey Dahmer is lurking in the curve of the tunnel and catches Kaleb as he comes around the bend?

I'm being totally serious. These things actually cross my mind. If I lose track of him, I try my best to remain casual as I get up and walk around, eyes pointed upward towards all the shadows in the tunnel.

Of course, Kaleb is completely unaware of these goings-on as he crawls around and plays with his new "friends." When he finally emerges at the bottom of the slide, I give him a great big hug as I catch my breath and say a little 'thank you' to the Man upstairs.

Congratulations, Kaleb!

Dear Kaleb,

Congratulations on earning your yellow belt! I was so proud of you during your test. You showed Master Carla high-block, low-block, middle-block, and side-kick. You also showed her how to walk onto and off of the mat, how to bow and show respect to the flag, and you counted to 10 in Korean all by yourself! You are my little kung-fu master! I love you!

Kisses,

Mommy

Perception

Have you ever thought you were perceived by someone in a certain way, only to find out that you may be totally wrong? Well, that is what is dawning on me this morning and I am trying not to read too much into it. But...it's hard not to feel a little bit down when you realize that someone may not value you as much as you thought.


*****I am adding this about 4 hours after my original post. I just realized that it is that time of the month when I crave chocolate.....yes, PMS. I also noticed that my posts during this time always seem to be a bit emotional. YIKES is all I can say!

For Husbands, Take 3

Dear Loving Husbands of the World,



This is a laundry hamper. It is where you can put clothes that need to be washed.

This is not a laundry hamper. Putting your clothes on this does not signify anything.

This is also not a laundry hamper. Again - leaving clothes here does not signify anything.

I hope I have helped to clear up any confusion you may have had.

Good night.

Cut Me Down to Size

So Kaleb drags me into the office and points at the wall and says, "what doze mommy?"

I pick him up and say, "that is my college diploma, and that is my master's degree, and that one there is my teaching credential. It means that I am a teacher."

He looks at me and says, "no you not a teacher, you just my mommy."

Yes, yes I am.

Difference between love for husband vs. son, Take 1

When my son calls me over to look at what he put in the potty, it's cute.

Not so cute when my husband does.

Wow

I'm obviously in need of Hostess chocolate cupcakes.

'nuff said

I Don't Heart Bl.ue Cro.ss

Just a quick vent so I can try to move on with my day.

Last June we did a frozen embryo transfer (FET). We had 3 embryos that were frozen back in 2005 when Kaleb was conceived. Part of the process in getting the uterus ready to accept the embryos involves taking multiple medications. They can be pricey. I was under the impression that they were going to be covered by our health insurance.

Obviously, I am not pregnant. The FET was unsuccessful. I honestly think I should have canceled it. My cat, Rusty, died the day before the transfer.

I really tried to get all my crying done that day so I could try to have happy "baby" thoughts for the mandatory 3 days of bed rest following the transfer. But....I spent a lot of that time crying for my sweet Rusty. It is probably my fault that those little embryos didn't survive. I didn't make them feel welcome, I guess. I'm sorry if that sounds silly, but a lot of effort went into creating them in the first place and even though part of me is relieved not to have another baby in the house, I really did want them to make it.

Anyway....Bl.ue Cro.ss has decided not to cover the meds (even though we had prior authorization) and we can't afford to pay the bill from the pharmacy. It's almost $2,000. Don't they know there's a recession? I have been dealing with the pharmacy and the insurance company and neither one seems interested in helping me resolve the issue. I am just sooooooo frustrated! I want to smash something to get rid of my anger.

Plus...a part of me feels like to pay this money is the same as throwing it away since the FET didn't even work. I know I am paying for medications received, but that's just what goes through my head.

OK, my rant is done. I'm going to shower off these tears that are running down my face and take my little angel and furry angels on a walk.

This post proves I am a nut

I think it is safe to say that the experience of going through 5 miscarriages has had an affect on my parenting. When I was pregnant with Kaleb we rented one of those fetal dopplers so that we could listen to his heartbeat. I used it all the time until he was kicking on a regular basis. I guess I always had a bit of fear that something would happen to him.

When Kaleb was an infant, I would check him constantly to be sure he was breathing. I was completely paranoid about SIDS.

So here comes the part where I am a nut. Today, Kaleb and I went to the zoo. It is a really hot day and I think he might be coming down with something. Add that to a car ride home and you get one nap! He never naps anymore, so I was grateful for the quiet time.

About 2 hours after we got home, I went to check on him. My paranoia about SIDS was creeping up on me. I know, I know...he is long past the risk for SIDS. The thing is, I watch too much TV so I hear about awful things happening to others and am convinced they will happen to me. So...I go into his room and look down at him. His color seems off. I am sure of it. He looks really pale with a bluish tint. I watch his chest to see it rise and fall, only I can't see it!

What did I do next? Yep, you guessed it! I grabbed him by the shoulders and let out this awful cry, "oh, God!"

At which point Kaleb's eyes popped open and he said, "Mommy I so tired."

For about 5 minutes after this I knelt by his bed and cried and prayed to God and gave Him thanks for a healthy, beautiful son. My heart was pounding, my whole body was trembling, and sweet Kaleb was back to his nap!

I know other people have probably done the same thing. I wish I could say I have never done this before. I think this was about the 4th time in his 2 1/2 years that I have completely freaked out thinking he was dead.

I am sure that if Keith reads this, he will promptly start researching psychiatric hospitals to admit me to. All I ask for is a private room with an ocean view.

On a serious note, be grateful for the children in your life. Give thanks to God if they are healthy. Because unfortunately for some parents, they will not be able to laugh about how they scared the crap out of their sleeping child. I can't even begin to imagine that. And now, I am going to join my little guy on the couch for a thrilling episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Will it always be like this?

Before Kaleb was born, I can remember being at the grocery store and witnessing a toddler having a complete fit. The mother said, "if you don't stop it we are going to leave the cart right here and go home." The child didn't stop, and they didn't go home. I though to myself, "I will never do that. If I make a threat, I will follow through."

Today that was tested. But first - a little background.

Normally I would describe Kaleb as funny, smart, cute, kind, thoughtful, etc etc. Typical mom gushing about her child description. However - lately I have been using the word "turd" a lot. A. LOT. I know, I know, it sounds horrible to call my sweet precious gift from God a turd. But, as Woody says "if the boot fits...".

He has suddenly become defiant and argumentative. his favorite word is "NO" and he refuses to accept my authority over him. The terrible two's have finally hit just a few months away from his 3rd birthday.

Fast forward to today. My mom was having cataract surgery, so after we dropped her off we headed to Disneyland to have some fun until she was ready to be picked up. This morning Kaleb was being difficult and Keith wondered whether he should be rewarded with a trip to Disneyland or not. I decided to tell Kaleb what he needed to do in order for us to go. And he did.

We get parked in Goofy, 4C and head for the tram. As we are waiting in line, I opened the stroller for him to hop out.

Kaleb: "NO" and pulls the bar shut.

Me: "Kaleb, I need you to get out so I can fold the stroller up and we can get in the tram."

Kaleb: "NO!!!" (and not at all in a playful way)

Me: "Kaleb, if you don't get out RIGHT NOW we are going to turn around and go home." (mind you, we are probably going to be on the next tram)

Kaleb: "Go home." (Crap...he's calling my bluff)

Me: "OK, here we go!"

As we turn around to go, I desperately want to tell everyone who is staring at me like I am so evil, "Don't worry, we come here once a week. It'll be OK; he'll survive. I'm trying to teach him a lesson!"

When he realized we were actually leaving he threw an absolute fit. It sucked. I hated taking something as fun as Disneyland away from him. But...I really want him to see that there are consequences for his actions. I really hope he gets it. I really hope this is just a phase and it will pass.

He fell asleep on the way home. I put him in bed for a nap without waking him. He looked like such an angel. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

For Husbands, take 2

Dear Loving Husbands,

If you tell your wife that you want to leave at 9:45, please do not start waiting at the bottom of the stairs at 9:20 and ask "how we doing?" every 5 minutes.

Women typically know exactly how long they need to get ready. Some of us have it down to the minute. Asking for status updates only makes us feels rushed, and that is when accidents happen. Like...sticking our eye with the mascara brush because we are trying to hurry up.

So...when you say "how we doing?", my response is "we be doing just fine if you would pipe down until 9:45!

Sheesh!

For Husbands

Dear Loving Husbands of the World,

When you and your wife are sitting in the lounge of a restaurant while waiting for your table, and a group of hottsie-tottsie's is sitting next to you [wait...I am not being catty. You know the type - big hair, big make-up, skinny jeans and knee-high black boots with stiletto heals], do NOT...I repeat...do NOT reach over and grab the roll of extra skin that resides around your wife's waist.

Seriously. I can't believe I even have to say it.

Everyday Chaos

I love when Kyle is home! Kaleb is soooo happy to have him here. He really loves his big brother! Also, it kind of gives me a break from being his playmate. So, in this clip, Kaleb is trying to wrestle Kyle, the dogs come tearing into the house in hopes of finding and killing Corkie, and I just stand back and smile!

PS: A big shout out to Heidi for her marketing technique!

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Finally! A moment of peace to update my blog. These are some pictures of my nieces and nephews: Emily, Andrew and Caitlin. They are my older brother's kids and they live in London. My brother is a big-wig hedge fund manager there...he's lived there since after graduate school and I doubt he will ever move back. London suits him perfectly...proper and proper! Do you remember in Ferris Bueller's Day Off when Ferris was describing how uptight Cameron is by telling what would happen to a piece of coal if you stuck it in a certain orifice? That is my brother. We are not what you would call close. He tends to talk to me like I am some poor, white-trash relative of his who he is forced to spend time with once a year. I find it all really amusing. Telling him about our neighbor's RV and sand buggy while watching him cringe is so funny! I taught Emily how to stick olives on her fingers when she was young, and I think my sister-in-law is still pissed!

Anyway, their kids are really cute and Kaleb is always excited to see them. They spend a week in Palm Springs after Christmas each year, so we always go out then. My mom also spends the week with them, and I know she loves having all of her grand kids together.

They are back in London, we are back home, and we will see them again next year.